HomeStuff2015 . 08Statement by the President on the New U.S.S. Donald J. Trump and Bonus U.S.S. Ivanka Luxury Aircraft Carriers

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Statement by the President on the New U.S.S. Donald J. Trump and Bonus U.S.S. Ivanka Luxury Aircraft Carriers

American Politics

Donald Trump, U.S.S. Donald J. Trump, American Ship Works and Casino

President Trump, U.S.S. Donald J. Trump, and the new American Ship Works and Casino.
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The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

Statement by the President on the New U.S.S. Donald J. Trump and Bonus U.S.S. Ivanka Luxury Aircraft Carriers

The spectacular and luxurious U.S.S Donald J. Trump will be of course the pride of the seven seas. There has never been a luxury warship that was such a great value — and everyone knows it. The bang will be great, the bang for buck will be great, and the combat experience will be great. And it's unforgettable.

But special ships need a special ship yard, and they need a special classification scheme — both as exceptional and classy as the ships themselves. That’s why President Trump is pleased to announce that, in addition to being well ahead of schedule constructing the previously announced U.S.S. Donald J. Trump, he has broken ground for the fantastic, new American Ship Works and Casino — already the envy of the world and very exciting. As far as the great new classification scheme, the old, confusing aircraft carrier classifications, with their unnecessary letters stenciled unattractively onto ships’ hulls, stenciled unattractively onto ships’ wherever, are gone. Beginning with U.S.S. Donald J. Trump, all American luxury supercarriers will be designated simply “Trump.”

As an example of the new scheme, U.S.S. Donald J. Trump will be marked “Trump 1.”

Which is of course perfect.

Obviously, construction of U.S.S. Donald J. Trump is already underway, and the ship will be nearly complete by the grand opening of the American Ship Works and Casino. Regrettably, U.S.S. Donald J. Trump will only be trimmed there. But immediately upon completion of the new facility, work will begin in parallel on a second, bonus supercarrier: Trump 2, U.S.S. Ivanka — because, America.

U.S.S. Ivanka will be special and breathtaking, and President Trump can hardly wait to publish those exciting details.

Note: Inspired by forgot to bid.

Note for Erick Erickson: Nothing in this post had anything to do with Megyn Kelly's sexuality. Get some help.

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